Exhale
by vinkunwildflowerqueen
Summary: The moment that robs Fiyero of breath. And the moment that finally lets him breathe again. Musicalverse. A little Fiyeraba, a little Flinda. Oneshot.


**AN. The idea for this came from one of my favourite lines in _Love, Simon,_ when he's talking to his mother and she tells him "** **But these last few years, more and more, it's almost like I can feel you holding your breath... You get to exhale now."**

 **I loved the idea of that line. Although, obviously the context here is very different to that scene.**

 **Exhale**

 **By Vinkunwildflowerqueen**

Fiyero stood restlessly at the entrance to the train station, trying to exude a calmness and nonchalance that he didn't feel.

He didn't hear the faint whistles of departing trains, the chatter of passengers as they moved briskly past him, either full of anticipation of the journey ahead or that ease that came with returning home. He didn't see the way people glanced at him, with curiosity or recognition.

His gaze was fixated on the large clock above the departure board, watching the second hand slowly make its way around the clock.

In three minutes, the train bringing Elphaba and Galinda- sorry, _Glinda-_ back to Shiz after their visit to the Emerald City would arrive. And he still hadn't made a decision. He'd hoped that the time away from both girls would give him some clarity, bring some kind of epiphany.

Glinda… or Elphaba?

Whatever it was that had happened between him and Elphaba in the clearing with the Lion Cub had terrified him. Fiyero had dated many girls but had never felt that alarming swoop in his gut before, brought on by a single touch. Never before had he been so consumed with thoughts about a girl before. Never before he had he known why it was described as "falling" in love.

With Elphaba away, it was supposed to stop. He was supposed to find easy distraction with another girl; it was supposed to be a time to forget both Elphaba and Glinda.

Yet his mind seemed to have boarded the train with Elphaba and Glinda, perhaps handed over in the same moment he handed her the poppies just a short time ago.

But his mind wasn't just on Elphaba.

There was Glinda to think of too. Elphaba's roommate and friend. His girlfriend.

Glinda was perfect. Ideally, his match in every way. She was beautiful, from a good family, social and as outgoing as he was. He'd never had the moment- the moment of consideration that perhaps this relationship would outlast his others. That she was a possibility to one day bear the titles of his wife and queen. But he was enjoying spending time with her and definishly genuinely cared for her- which was not something that could be said about many of his past relationships.

But she wasn't Elphaba.

Fiyero barely knew Elphaba, but she had consumed his every waking thought since the day with the Lion Cub, and most of his non-waking thoughts too. It wasn't just the spark that had flickered between their fingers as they touched, the ghost of which lingered across his skin even now. It was her words, echoing in his mind.

 _No matter how shallow and self-absorbed you pretend to be… you wouldn't be so unhappy._

A chill ran down his spine, and he shifted his weight from one foot to the other uncomfortably.

Fiyero didn't know what to do.

If he ended things with Glinda, could he ever pursue Elphaba? Did he want to?

Had things with Glinda come to their natural end regardless of his newfound feelings towards Elphaba?

There had been no epiphany in the days that followed that moment. No moment of clarity. There had only been a sense of loss and the gnawing guilt that came from the acknowledgment in at least some deep recess of his mind, that the loss stemmed from Elphaba's absence and not Glinda's.

The clock struck nine o'clock, and Fiyero's gaze went to the designated platform of their own accord. His heart climbed in his throat with every passing moment, until the train chugged slowly into the station.

Passengers began to spill out, and Fiyero's gaze scanned them restlessly, his chest seizing ever a little tighter at every glimpse of green.

He almost missed Glinda, until she was standing right before him. She didn't look like Glinda. She was wearing a dark green dress, the darkest colour he'd ever seen on her. Her head was down and covered by a matching hat, and her hair was pulled back into a low bun at the nape of her neck. She wasn't wearing makeup and her face was drained of colour save for the dark circles under her eyes.

Fiyero's greeting died on his lips as he took in her ashen face, and his heart sank weakly as he failed to spot Elphaba coming up behind her.

"Where's Elphaba?" he asked her.

Glinda shook her head, golden locks that had escaped from her bun drooping tiredly around her face.

"We have to go," she said simply and pushed past him towards the station exit.

Fiyero turned after her, bewildered. "Gal- _Glinda_. Wait"

"Not here," she said, her voice harder than Fiyero had ever heard it before.

It was almost Elphaba-ish, he thought. And then he argued no further.

He had a carriage outside waiting, and Glinda sat stiffly and silently the whole ride back to Shiz. Fiyero followed her in bewildered silence as she exited the carriage outside her dorm building and headed upstairs.

Glinda unlocked the door and entered the room, neither inviting Fiyero to follow her, nor stopping him from entering behind her. Fiyero hadn't been inside the room before, aside from the odd glimpse captured when picking Glinda up for dates; but it was exactly as he'd imagined.

Glinda's side was immediately identifiable as hers, drenched in various shades of pink; Elphaba's side plain and simple, sparsely decorated and favouring dark colours.

Glinda stood in between the two beds, seemingly staring out the window that divided two halves of the room. And then her shoulders began to shake, and her hands came up to cover her mouth, a muffled sob escaping.

"Glinda?"

Hesitantly, he came up behind her and gently laid a hand on her back.

"What's happened?" he asked. "Where's Elphaba?"

"Gone," Galinda choked out.

"Gone _where?"_ Fiyero demanded in frustration.

Galinda turned to him, tears rolling down her cheeks. "Elphie's a fugitive," she told him.

Fiyero's chest seized up as though he'd been hit with a hard blow to the back.

"A _fug-_ what? I don't- I don't understand," he said blankly, his voice hoarser than he expected.

Galinda moved past him to shut the door, and then sat on the end of her bed weakly.

Quietly, she told him everything that had happened in the Emerald City. The truth about the Wizard of Oz, the Monkeys, and Morrible's proclamation that followed Elphaba's rejection of the Wizard's offer.

By the end of it, Fiyero was pacing the room furiously.

"A _Wicked Witch?"_ he positively spat, torn between fury and disbelief. "Who are they kidding? No one's going to believe that!"

"They already do," Galinda sniffled. "It's all anyone was talking about. It'll be in all the papers by now. The Wizard's Gale Force is already searching for her. Haven't you heard anything about it here?"

Fiyero hadn't read any papers in the past few days, and he'd been so lost in his own thoughts, he couldn't tell you anything that had happened around campus since the girls had left.

"I… I've been busy," he said lamely.

He sat down on Elphaba's bed without thinking and then stilled, shifting. He started to move, and then paused again, sinking awkwardly back onto the bed.

"What happened after that?" he asked her.

"The guards took me to this- this _room,"_ Glinda said in distaste. "They kept asking me where Elphie went. Where would she go? Who were her family and friends? I told them Elphie didn't _have_ any friends, but they-"

She cut herself off as she swallowed back a sob.

"How long were you there?" Fiyero asked, horrified.

"I don't know," Glinda said wearily, her shoulders slumped. "Hours. It was really late when Morrible made them let me go."

" _Morrible_ made them let you go?"

Glinda nodded and took a shuddering breath. Fiyero frowned.

"What happens now?" he asked her. "I mean, you know the truth, right?"

What little colour Glinda had drained from her face. "I don't know," she whispered. "I- what do I do?"

"I don't know," Fiyero said. "Maybe just… lie low for a bit?"

Glinda bit her lip. "Lie low. Like, life as normal?"

"Sure," Fiyero said quietly.

She nodded distantly and then sighed. "Well, I should get unpacked and freshen up then. Pfannee and Shen-Shen will want to see everything I bought in the City, I'm sure," she said briskly.

Fiyero took that as his cue to leave. "I'll see you... later then?"

Glinda nodded, already turning towards her closet.

"Of course, dearest."

On his way back to his own room, Fiyero stopped to grab a newspaper.

 _Wicked Witch Mutilates Monkeys!_

There was no picture of Elphaba with the article, but there was an accompanying photo of the Monkeys, their blue wings protruding from their backs. The Monkeys looked forlorn and positively wretched and Fiyero's heart sank.

A picture was worth a thousand words, wasn't that the expression?

People were being urged to contact the authorities if there was a sighting of _"the witch"._ The article stated a large reward was being offered in exchange for any information.

Fiyero's stomach flipped, but it didn't feel the way it had when it flipped as Elphaba's hand touched his. This was an entirely unpleasant sensation. Yet equally terrifying.

Dazedly, he headed back to his room and slumped against the door as it shut behind him, the newspaper falling to the floor from limp fingers.

Suddenly, the conflict of making a choice between Elphaba and Glinda was meaningless.

Yet suddenly, the choice was clear. It was Elphaba. It seemed so simple now.

Fiyero wondered if Nessarose knew what her sister had done. Would she believe the story Morrible and the Wizard were perpetuating? Surely, she knew her sister better than that. Surely, she knew the idea of Elphaba being a _wicked witch,_ of doing _anything_ to hurt an Animal was ludicrous?

Fiyero moved over to the window, which overlooked the courtyard. The courtyard where he had first met Elphaba. And Glinda.

Where had Elphaba slept last night? Where was she now?

Glinda had said the Gale force was already looking for her, and the thought twisted Fiyero's gut painfully. Elphaba wasn't exactly one to blend in.

He read the article once more, trying to gain more information now that the shock had worn off. Trying to see anything in the article that matched the story Glinda had given him, a faint glimpse of the truth. But it was all lies.

He dropped the paper into the wastepaper basket with a sigh of disgust, a fire of fury igniting in his gut as he dwelled on the article.

 _It wasn't fair,_ he thought.

Which seemed a ridiculous phrase in light of events, but it was the only thing he could think of right now.

As the day droned on, Fiyero just thought of more and more questions.

Would anyone be helping her? Did she have access to food or shelter? It was still cold, especially at night.

The scariest question was one he didn't dare dwell on right now- what would happen if she was found?

The more concerns he thought of, the tenser he grew. By the afternoon, he'd taken to pacing his suite restlessly, positively crawling out of his skin. His shoulders were tense, and his chest burned as though he was holding his breath.

And he couldn't exhale.

Two years passed, and the tension in his shoulders never eased. If anything, it grew heavier.

Somehow, Fiyero got used to living without breath. To standing up straight with the boulders resting on his shoulders and his chest.

It was just one more lie he was living, right?

He slept so little these days and ate only to keep his strength up and his mind clear. There was no pleasure to be found in food, in the three course banquet meals in the Wizard's palace. How could there be when he had no idea from day to day if Elphaba had any food herself?

He'd watched the posters on the wall and the notices in the newspaper shift from offering a reward for information to a reward for capture. _Dead or Alive._

The first time Fiyero had seen those three words, he'd been violently sick. He'd punched the wall of the shower and fractured three knuckles. He'd told Glinda that it had happened during a Gale force training session, which she'd accepted without question.

Standing in the ballroom of the Wizard's palace, watching Glinda beam and flash a diamond ring around that he hadn't chosen to give her, Fiyero felt like he might be sick again.

"Dearest!"

Fiyero turned to Glinda, forcing a smile onto his face, slipping the mask of the doting _fiancé-_ a title which didn't seem to sit right on his shoulders-back onto his face.

"Dearest, come dance with me?" Glinda beseeched him, entwining their hands.

Fiyero looked at the dance floor as one might look at a pool of sharks.

"Why don't we sit and talk for a bit?" he suggested. "Or go for a walk?"

Glinda's smile flickered, and she glanced over her shoulder at her friends who stood behind her, watching.

"Please, sweetheart?" she asked him, her voice tinged with the faintest hint of desperation and panic.

"They're playing our song."

Fiyero's gaze drifted to the orchestra. He'd never heard this song before in his life. He supposed it could be their song. At this point, what did it even matter?

"Of course, dear," he said.

Glinda led him to the dance floor, and Fiyero smoothly led her through the steps, playing his part to perfection. The guests formed around them in a circle, and even through the dimness, Fiyero could see Madame Morrible watching them approvingly.

His stomach twisted with a burning pain that shot from his gut up into his throat, and he had to fight not to tighten his grip on Glinda's hand.

A blasting alarm sounded through the room, cutting out the orchestra. Fiyero and Glinda stopped dancing, and there was a dim buzzing as the guests looked around in bewilderment.

"What's going on?" Glinda asked Fiyero loudly, wincing against the noise.

Fiyero looked past her as one of his Gale Force soldiers skidded into the room, searching him out. He walked over to him quickly, Glinda on his heels.

"What is it, man?" he asked brusquely.

"Captain. Disturbance in the throne room," the soldier replied.

Fiyero turned to Glinda, who's eyes were wide.

"Stay here," he told her and hurried off.

As he turned into the hall that led towards the throne room, another soldier met them and handed him his weapon.

"Orders, sir?"

Fiyero shook his head. "Let's see what we're dealing with. Find the threat, make sure His Ozness is secure. Follow my lead."

He took the lead and as they approached the door, Fiyero braced himself for whatever would be on the other side of the door. Adrenaline coursed through his veins, blood pounding in his ears as his heart raced.

"Halt!" yelled one of his men as they burst through the door.

Fiyero immediately searched out the Wizard, as per protocol. The man was standing there with his hands in the air, a tall figure in black before him with their back to the door. They'd clearly frozen at the arrival of the guards.

"Are you alright, Your Ozness?" he called out.

The intruder whirled around to face the door and Fiyero's heart came to a crashing halt and his chest seized.

" _Fiyero,"_ she wheezed, looking as shocked as he felt.

The next few minutes would always remain a haze for Fiyero.

Distracting the guards, Glinda's arrival. The look on both girls' faces as he finally faced the decision he'd made two years ago.

" _I'm going with her."_

The moment as he grabbed Elphaba's hand to lead her from the throne room before the guards returned, leaving behind the shattered look in Glinda's eyes and the amusement dancing across the face of the Wizard.

There it was, that same sensation in his gut.

But there was no time to focus on that, his first priority was getting them to safety. Getting them out, with what little supplies he could grab before the alarm was raised.

" _Fiyero,"_ Elphaba said breathlessly, his name coming as a gasp as he pulled her away from the throne room and out of the palace.

The sound of it made his gut twist again, but this time with a desire he didn't have the time to acknowledge just yet.

"Not here," Fiyero replied, clutching her hand tighter.

Fiyero's steps faltered slightly as they entered the forest beyond the Emerald City, raising the lantern higher to light their way. But Elphaba's steps were surer amidst the darkness and the trees, and as she took the lead, it dawned on Fiyero that she knew these woods better than he did.

As many patrols as he'd been a part of over the past two years, he didn't know the land. Not like she did.

That was when it suddenly hit him that she was _here._ With him. They were together. After so long.

"Elphaba, wait," he said suddenly, his voice shattering the silence and making them both jump.

He gently tugged on Elphaba's hand as he slowed to a stop. Her footsteps stalled, and she turned to him wordlessly.

In the light of the lantern, her eyes looked huge. Shadowed. Fiyero absently wondered when the last time she'd slept had been.

They stood there, just staring at one another silently. Fiyero didn't know what to say, didn't know how to put into words what he was feeling. What he'd been thinking for the past two years. And then Fiyero put the lantern down, closed the distance between them and slowly wrapped his arms around her slim- too slim- waist.

Elphaba's body was stiff as she stood in his grasp, as though she had no idea what was happening. A sudden movement made Fiyero tighten his grip on her, fearful she was going to push him away. But then her arms came up around him and tentatively settled on his back, and she slowly relaxed, moulding her body to his.

As her head came to rest lightly on his shoulder, Fiyero lowered his head to bury his face in the crook of her neck, fighting back the tears that threatened to rise in his eyes.

And for the first time in two years, Fiyero exhaled.

 **The End**


End file.
